6 June 2010

Dead End

Posted by Roland under: Personal .

It’s been an interesting week back in America. Well, not so much in the work aspect, that’s the same as usual (Sacramento, woo hoo) but personal relationships have definitely taken interesting turns. Not since my first trip to Japan in 05 have I thought that nothing had changed when I left to Japan, only to come back and find that everything had changed.

For reasons beyond my comprehension, one of my friendships has failed. Beyond recovery, I’m not sure. But the main problem is I’m not sure about a lot of things because the other party seems fit to block all further communication and attempts at exchange. So I’m trying my best to figure out what happened, but without any actual input from the other side, I know that anything I come up with will just be hearsay. For a friendship that was built on frequent communication, to not even be afforded one chance to talk to learn why, is quite a shock. To have the gate closed so suddenly and without explanation, you can’t blame a person for trying to figure out why.

Not since reading Haruki Murakami have I seen such a scene where a loved one or close friend just suddenly disappears out of a person’s life and without explanation. In fact, most of the stories that involve that theme have the main character go on a journey to find that person, or at the very least, find out why. But unlike those stories, where the character makes some progress (not always a resolution), I don’t think I’ll have that chance after being stonewalled at every attempt at meaningful contact.

With friends like that, who needs enemies?

I was confused. I was sad. I was lonely. I was angry.

But finally, I realized, I’m not completely alone. I have other important people in my life, just as my friend does. As the other side continues to live their life with their friends, I have other people who will be there for me. No more apparent was this then on the same day I got the e-mail canceling our friendship did I get to spend quality time with a very important person to me. It lessened the pain. And like good friends, they were there when I needed it, to make me feel better.

Friendship is a two way street. But if they don’t want to work from their side, then all we have is a dead end.

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