2 January 2011
Looking Back on 2010: Online Dating
Posted by Roland under: Personal .
College was the best time to meet girls, go on dates, all that business. Let’s face it. It’s hard enough once you start working, as your prospects are limited to friends of friends (which wasn’t working out) and co-workers (sexual harassment ahoy!). Compounding this problem was my specific job, which by nature makes relationships hard to maintain, let alone establish. Bouncing around the country doesn’t make it easy to meet people.
So faced with this sad proposition, I figured the only place where I could possibly even consider meeting new people was online. Meeting people online doesn’t have the best of reputations, usually being the last resort of the desperate. I would argue that might be somewhat the case in college, when you pretty much have all opportunity to meet lots of people. Classes, school groups, people in your dorm. And if you don’t like the people you meet one semester, just wait until the next one comes and you’ll get a chance to meet lots of new ones.
But all that opportunity disappeared. So what better use of the internet than to make some new connections? And if anything, it would prove a way to meet people outside of my usual group and the usual trap of girls in business.
Admittedly it did feel weird at first. It’s a whole new game online. Not that I was so successful at the real life dating game, but taking it online has its own culture you need to navigate through. The biggest difference I think is that expectations are much more obvious in the beginning. You’re both on dating sites. You want to go out on a date. She wants to go out on a date. That initial guessing game when meeting someone in person the first time is already out of the way.
Like in real life, girls do still have the power I feel. Sure, the messaging system on online sites goes both ways, but more often than not, guys will be sending the messages and girls get the messages. That’s why I always feel like when I was getting in touch with people, my message kind of got lost in the pile. I’ll never know, but I always tried my best to personalize my messages. I’m sure girls get enough generic pick up lines, but who knows how many people got tired after reading 50 msgs and closed their account when I was #51? But that’s part of the online game. Drop your name in the hat, hope they read it, hope even more they respond, and see where you go from there. Don’t take personal if they don’t respond. Try not to take it personal if they just disappear too.
Going online of course provides anonymity, to some extent. That’s the point. If you want to just disappear, you have every right to. Profile one day, gone the next. You have to put up a picture to get actual attention however, but once you see your friend online, try not to mention it to them unless you want things to getting a little weird.
Someone likened online dating to a meat market. Sure, I think that’s true. You browse profiles, pictures, pick and choose who you want to talk to. But it’s another way to the end to getting what people want. If you want a relationship, find the people who want it. If you want a hook-up, find the people who want it. The dating websites make it nice and easy to filter and as long as people are honest, you’ll be able to find what you want.
In any case, online dating will also involve a lot of rejection. But if you get through that and you actually get to meet someone in person? Well, that’s where the fun begins. I fully recommend people interested in online dating, give it a shot. I don’t think it’s as embarrassing as it used to be. With everything else going online anyway, why shouldn’t dating go there as well?